Let’s start with the obvious problem.

We don’t really live in that “Hee Haw” world any more, do we? Our world, our culture, our lives, are not as friendly and hospitable as we once were.

Yet at the same time, we are lonely; we long for true community, we need more people with whom we can feel absolutely at home.

Life seems to have moved way far away from farm life where doors were left unlocked and everybody gathered around the table for supper; but we’re so in need of true relationships where we feel accepted and loved and valuable.

“Jesus People…Practice Hospitality.” We all need hospitality. We’re called to do it. But there’s a lot stacked against it, isn’t there?

Help me here.

What are some of the reasons you see for why we don’t practice hospitality? What are some of the things that keep us from sharing our lives with each other? [ASK]

I can’t wave a magic wand and give you more time, or a cleaner house, or a bigger house, or a different personality. But perhaps together we can change our perspective a little bit.

Almost a year ago, an old college friend wrote something that seemed to be a really good perspective giver.

Starla Goff, who’s now a lawyer in Portland and goes to Evergreen Life Church, wrote this and posted it on her church forum and sent it to me:

When we talk about community...I think about getting to the point where we don't make the bed when others come over. …I got into a conversation few months ago about the difference between hospitality and entertaining…

I think we decided that part of the problem is that we were taught that when you have guests:

1. you have to have nice stuff;

2. the house has to be clean;

3. the guest has to be entertained; and

4. the food must be well prepared (practice is essential)

It seems to me this distinction between “entertaining” and “hospitality” is really important.

Both are good and needed things! Some people are absolutely amazing in their ability to have people over and make them feel special and loved by their cozy and well-decorated home, by the amazing meal and gourmet dessert.

This is a wonderful gift that some people use in amazing ways. It makes people feel special and loved. But maybe we make a mistake to hold these people up as examples of hospitality.

Perhaps it’s better to think of the gift for entertaining, which some have, and the lifestyle of hospitality, which we are all called to.

READ 1 Peter 4:9

To offer hospitality without grumbling seems impossible to many of us, if it means I have to entertain. If I have to clean my house, be interesting and funny, serve gourmet food in a beautiful atmosphere, well, I’m going to grumble.

It’s too hard. I don’t have enough time. I can’t measure up to how so-and-so does it.

The verse in First Peter comes right in the section about being clear minded, self controlled, and loving. These are the things for all of us, and hospitality is included in it. Next, Peter invites all of us to use the gifts God has given us; use whatever gifts God has given you to serve others faithfully.

I think some of us have the gift of entertaining and hosting, and we should use it to serve others faithfully. But I think all of us are asked to offer hospitality without grumbling.

Let me offer a “trial definition” of hospitality:

“Making time and space for others to feel at home with us.”

That definition doesn’t include having the laundry done and a crystal clear toilet and an empty kitchen sink. It does mean making an effort for others, creating space and time. (But notice, not PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL space and not HOURS AND HOURS of time. Just space and time.)

The feeling part of hospitality is making the effort so that someone feels at home with us. Comfortable. Loved. Welcomed. Included. It can happen anywhere, anytime, when we give someone the time and attention to feel like they are valued by us.

This is what all people who follow Jesus will practice.

Why is hospitality important?

I’ll be a little dramatic about this: because without hospitality, community and relationships are impossible. If we don’t make time and space for others to feel at home with us, community and relationships have nowhere to form.

The church is a community; we need people to open up to each other in order to be community, to be the church.

Let me give a really brief example that I’ve overlooked many times before.

Turn with me to Acts chapter 16, page XXX in the bible in front of you. [READ 16: 13-15].

Quite a simple statement: Lydia listened to Paul, believed in Jesus, and invited the whole group to come to her house. Just a simple decision on her part. But look what came out of it, down in verse 40 [READ]

A church came to exist in Philippi BECAUSE Lydia made space for others to be at home.

The Philippian church became one of Paul’s favorites. He loved them, and they loved him. It’s amazing to wonder what might have happened if Lydia didn’t open her home. Would the church have even existed?

NFC couldn’t exist without us offering hospitality to each other. Maybe having a building makes us forget that, but we need each other to really be the church.

In fact, when I ask people what’s been most meaningful in their time at Newberg Friends, when we had open forums last year to ask what things were most meaningful about our church, time and again people mention small groups. Those are the places where community happens: our Sunday School classes, Listening Life groups, ministry teams.

I’m glad we have this building to gather and to worship!

But this is not the whole of church. Becoming community means we have to choose to find ways to open our lives to each other. We do that some on Sunday mornings, but in many ways hospitality and the most important parts of community happen outside this building and outside of Sunday morning.

What might happen as we open our lives to each other? What might happen as we open our lives to those outside of the church?

Well, many of you are doing just that already!

Listen to these examples.

Mary Lou Willett

When I read the scripture for this week, I thought "Ugh, Oh no! not hospitality; I do not have the gift of hospitality!" and here I get this E-mail from you asking me how I practice it!!!  Well, now if "Paul and others" want to meet here, they may, but I don't know how well I make that known.  And I don't know if I would have that response for just anyone or any group.  Did Lydia sense God's leading in this?

My "entertaining" is very simple; "make yourself at home; get/ask for whatever you need."  Recently, a friend needed a place to be while she looked for a job and place to live in this area.  That was fine; anything short of moving in.

Susan Ankeny

A couple of years ago during the spring months I hosted what I called "Friendly Fridays."  Two Fridays a month I let women know that they could just come anytime between the hours of 9:00 and 11:00 am, bring handwork if they wished, but mostly just come and have coffee or tea, snacks and visit.  I think it was a rejuvenating time for those who came, and it was a fun, low-key way to get to know other women better.  Also two years ago, our family and the Olmsteads would get together a couple Friday evenings a month just to play board games and visit [of course dessert was always included, too! ;) ]

Maribeth Hampton

I enjoy having people in our home, either for a meal or to visit. We enjoy sharing the produce from our garden and help family members with canned and frozen fruit and vegetables. I enjoy baking, so providing fruit bread for newcomers, pies, etc for Alpha, cookies for saying "I care" to a friend.

Anonymous

It was a beautiful, gorgeous spring day, and I decided mid morning that I wanted to have some friends and their kids over for lunch...the house was reasonably pulled together, and we were going to be outside, so I felt alright about it. Well, one of the women was a relatively new friend, and she wanted to see our house. I walked her from room to room and finally arrived at the master bedroom (always the last to be cleaned) - I took a deep breath (to steady my nerves) as I opened the door to reveal what I fear is my true self...on the right side of the bed (unmade, of course), an enormous pile of clean laundry dumped out onto the floor waiting to be folded... On the left side of the bed, an even bigger pile of dirty laundry waiting to be washed...toys scattered on the floor...closet doors open with clothes tumbling off of the shelves, dressers dusty and piled high with crumpled receipts, pocket change and empty water glasses - you get the picture (please don't use my name!!) So, my new friend looked in, laughed, gave me a spontaneous hug and said "OH, I LOVE YOU!!" with obvious relief in her voice.

In retrospect, nobody has ever done that when they walked into my neat and tidy living room!!

Michelle Akins

I think the way I most often provide hospitality is with children.  Our home has been (since before we had our own children) a place for babies, toddlers and grade school kids to feel safe, loved and cared for while their parents are at work or at an appointment.  Not that I have a state certified child care license or that I’m playing with the kids every second and providing USDA approved meals-but my home is open to my friend’s children.  We’ve made our home a place where friends can call on a day’s notice and say, “hey, I’ve got a dentist appointment tomorrow –could you watch the kids for a few hours.”  And with that has come friends who do the same for me.   I don’t stress when mom or dad come to pick up the kids and they see 4 loads of laundry on the couch...honestly I don’t love NOT having everything in order, the truth is this is REAL life.

Kevin Fish

One way that I have been blessed by a somewhat indirect form of hospitality is by participating in the organized Fellowship Dinners that have been done in some past years at NFC.  Those who signed up were organized into groups with rotating hosts and the groups had a meal together once a month for a few months.  It may not be a real good example of hospitality, but it sure was great fellowship and a good way to get to know others at NFC!

Cara and Andy Copeland

Practicing hospitality is one of the gifts Andy and I feel we can do together.  One of the ways we do this daily is to be outside in the front of our house instead of cloistered in a private area.  This opens up our family to the community, for better or for worse.  We have a lot of foot traffic around our house and this is a chance for us to have open arms and lives to people who simply walk by. We do this by speaking to people that walk by-a simple act of acknowledgement. This is also a chance to say “we’re not afraid to live our lives in front of you – even if our kids are half dressed and peeing on the sidewalk!”

Marta Sears

Since we’ve been back from Thailand, Andy and I have had the students from the trip in our home quite regularly, weekly on average.  

We do things that our kids can be involved in before 8:30 pm, like eat and play games.  We then include the students in our bedtime routine – they sing songs with us, they read a book to our kids, and they pray with us.  Then we have several hours to hang with the students without the little ones around.  We’ve watched meaningful documentaries together like Invisible Children and Born Into Brothels.  We’ve shared music with each other through our collective ipod collection.  We’ve also prayed for each other and shared about what God’s been doing in our life since we’ve been back from Thailand.  

Aaron Dunlop

Not long after I fell off Mt Hood, Paul and Deb Worden brought us a couple birdfeeders to put up in our backyard.

The Wordens and Colin and Janine Saxton both invited us to come enjoy their backyard gardens. As fairly serious outdoor enthusiasts, we missed enjoying God's creation, and we really enjoyed and appreciated fellowshipping around a little bit of nature when we couldn't get out farther from home. I thought that was hospitality at its best.

It’s really helped me this week to hear from other people how different this can look.

The common theme is, many people are already making time and space to help others feel at home in their presence.

I wonder what other examples this brings to your mind? [ASK]

What could you practice this week?

What could you do this week that would be hospitable, that would make room for another person? Begin thinking about that, and I’ll come back to it.

Maybe the very first thing is NOT doing something! Many of us are way too busy. I’m really not interested in adding more and more to the to-do list as we work our way through this series. Our focus is to live like Jesus people, to live as Jesus wants.

Perhaps the way you get to the point of practicing hospitality is by saying no to something!

Cara and Andy Copeland

A final way that we have learned to practice hospitality is to have a free enough schedule that we can pick up and go or have someone over at the drop of a hat.  We intentionally have tried to minimize our commitments so that our lives have enough margins to draw in.  The drawings in the margins of life are often more fun and interesting than the manuscript on the paper!  So consider this an invitation to everyone to feel free and invite us over at the drop of a hat – we’ll leave the motor running!  

This probably needs the focus of a whole other morning, but Cara and Andy are right: not having enough margin in our life to doodle around the edges may be the biggest thing keeping us from living like Jesus people.

I want to invite you, in our time of open worship, to consider how God might be leading you to practice hospitality this coming week.

Maybe the first thing God has for you is to say no to something else, in order to create that place of margin. That might be it!

But perhaps these examples have sparked an idea for how you might intentionally make time and space so that someone else can feel loved and listened to by you.