How many of you love conflict?

Can I have a show of hands? I guessed that there wouldn’t be very many hands up in the air. Most of us can nod our heads along with the geeky dad from the movie Back to the Future… “I’m just not very good at…confrontation.”

Some people are on the extreme end, avoiding conflict at all costs. There are a few people who march to the beat of a different drummer, and seem to thrive on conflict, poking and provoking everyone around them.

Most of us in the middle just find conflict uncomfortable. We’d rather not be in it. Thinking about it this week, I had a sort of theory. We like conflict in the abstract, we like conflict when it’s a little bit removed and distant from us; it’s when it gets too close to our lives that we get uncomfortable.

For instance, this weekend there are a whole lot of people with their faces hidden behind the pages of the seventh Harry Potter book. People have widely varying opinions about Harry Potter in the church, but those who like the books often talk about how the conflict between good and evil in the books is what draws them in.

Sports are organized conflict. We want our politicians to debate each other well; we want that kind of conflict to draw out truth.

What are some of the times you think conflict can be worthwhile? [ASK]

There’s a story of a couple who celebrated 50 years of marriage with a huge party. The next morning, alone at the breakfast table, the husband reached for the heel of the brand new loaf of bread to make a piece of toast.

The wife snapped. After years of avoiding conflict, she had enough. “I’ve been quiet about this for 50 years, but I can’t take it any longer! You ALWAYS take the heel! It’s my favorite part of the loaf, and I haven’t had it for 50 years! I haven’t wanted to rock the boat, because you are a wonderful husband, but I can’t believe how selfish you have been over all these years, taking my favorite part of the bread every time.”

Her husband slowly put down the bread, and covered his face with his hand. “Why on earth didn’t you say something sooner?!? I HATE the heel, and have been trying to spare you from having to eat it all these years!”

There are times when risking conflict is worth it!

Conflict can be good. God can even use conflict! (I can hear siblings around the room going home to their parents and saying, “Hey! Gregg said it’s great for me to fight with my brother or sister!” That’s NOT what I’m saying…J)

Too often in the church, we think conflict must be avoided at all costs, or that conflict somehow means we have failed to act as we should. The truth is that any time people get together, even the most faithful followers of Jesus, conflict can occur.

Rarely does it resolve as neatly and easily as it did over the loaf of bread…rarely is it easy or pleasant to go through conflict. But it is part of life; and it seems important to remember that God can and does work through ALL parts of life.

So this Sunday and next, we’ll look at conflict and how to deal with it in a healthy manner. And, since we’re at the beginning of Yearly Meeting, there may be plenty of opportunities for homework and practice in dealing with conflict!

Today is for the conflict avoiders.

Today, we want to look at a conflict that occurred between Paul and Barnabas because of another man, known both as John and as Mark. When you take the sum total of these three men, it is not an overstatement to say that they changed the course of history.

Barnabas was probably the key person who made it possible for Paul to do so many amazing things in the early church. When we meet Paul in the book of Acts, in the very first years of the early church, he was anything but a hero. We see a man who did everything he could to stomp out and even kill these upstarts who were taking the name “Christians”. Jesus changed the course of his life, showing himself to Paul in a blaze of light on the road one day, and putting and end to Paul the persecutor.

But, if it wasn’t for Barnabas, Paul might never have been trusted by other Christians. Chapter 9 of the book of Acts says that Barnabas took Paul under his wing and introduced him to all the other apostles. Barnabas’ name means “Son of encouragement”, and he lived up to his name; he was like the guy with the backstage pass, the ticket to get Paul in the door. Without Barnabas, Paul might never have earned the trust of the people he had tried so fervently to destroy.

John Mark was Barnabas’ young cousin; Paul tells us that in his letter to the Colossians.

John Mark came from a key family in the early church. It seems his mother let their home be a key gathering place for Christians in Jerusalem. Remember the time when Peter miraculously escaped from prison? Everybody is gathered, praying earnestly for his release. But God’s already answered their prayer, and Peter’s out banging on the door of the house trying to get in, and nobody believes the servant girl when she tells them! That was John Mark’s mother’s house.

Our three main people, Mark and Barnabas and Paul, meet in Jerusalem in Chapter 12 of the book of Acts, as we heard just a moment ago.

It started so beautifully, didn’t it? Like one of those heart-warming Hallmark commercials.

Everything’s going great. Paul and Barnabas are sent by God’s Spirit to travel the world telling people about Jesus, and John Mark goes with them as their helper. On the island of Cyprus, Paul casts a demon out of a man, there’s conflict, people come to know Christ…it’s exciting! God is at work. But, it’s probably a little scary for young John Mark.

[READ Acts 13:13]

No explanation, just a simple sentence saying that John Mark left them and went back home to Jerusalem.

Maybe it was too stressful. Maybe he was young enough to be homesick. Who knows? But John Mark left them, and that is the small seed of a much bigger conflict ahead.

Paul and Barnabas finish a very eventful missionary trip, causing riots, getting kicked out of towns, and in one place, Paul was almost killed.

After returning and fighting some battles with Jews who wanted all the Gentile Christians to follow Jewish law, they begin thinking of returning to visit the churches they started. I’ll pick up the story in Acts chapter 15, verse 36.

[READ Acts 15: 36-40]

Evidently, Paul holds a grudge. John Mark’s desertion on the first trip made Paul angry. So angry, Paul left Barnabas, his good friend, the man who made it possible for him to be accepted in the Christian Church to begin with!

Strong personalities, even when they are serving God, can be magnets for conflict.

Barnabas saw the potential in John Mark and put up with some bumps along the way. Paul’s personality was more intense. For Paul, it was all or nothing in everything he did, and he had trouble working with someone who lived any differently.

Barnabas was much more willing to walk alongside folks. In a way, he was treating John Mark in exactly the same way he originally treated Paul. He was patient with both John Mark and with Paul at times when other people weren’t. He was the bridge builder.

It’s clear from the language used that this was a very sharp disagreement, not a quiet parting of the ways. And that’s helpful for me to see in the Bible, to see two people who obviously were very devoted to God…yet still couldn’t work out their differences. Our differences CAN cause conflict. Conflict doesn’t mean that one person isn’t following God, or that one type of personality is right or wrong.

God uses all kinds of people.

Obviously, God used Paul in tremendous ways. But God used Barnabas and Mark, too. Tradition has it that John Mark wrote what we know as the gospel of Mark, and that he did it with Peter’s help. Both Barnabas and Mark were active in church planting and in encouraging churches all over the place.

God uses all personality types. God can use intense, type A people like Paul, and God can use encouraging, patient people like Barnabas. Part of dealing with conflict in the church is to remember that our differing personalities can lead to conflict. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed.

I think it’s important to notice that neither Paul nor Barnabas gave up on doing God’s work just because they couldn’t come to an agreement. Each looked for where God was working, and each found a way to do God’s work. I hope they were able to bless each other as they went their separate ways. My guess is, that they were able to do that…eventually.

Their lives show us that conflict is not always final.

We know that John Mark and Paul healed their relationship over time, and that gives me hope.

Evidently the news of this big fight went far and wide, because in his letter to the Colossians, Paul goes out of his way to let them know he’s changed his mind about John Mark: “My fellow-prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.)”

In his letter to Philemon, Paul calls John Mark his fellow worker. Writing to Timothy near the end of his life, Paul says “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.”

I wish all the conflicts I’ve had in my life had such a clear record of a good resolution!

I’m guessing that as Paul and Barnabas calmed down, as they continued to serve God and obey, they began to see things differently.

As strong of a personality as Paul was, he was willing to let his opinions change. He was able to build a new trust, a new type of relationship with John Mark.

You and I can learn from that. We must look, even through conflict, to find ways to heal and restore our relationships. Just as we must say loudly that not all conflict is bad, we must also speak out that all conflict is not final. Look for God to bring us back together. Look for reconciliation, or better yet, a way to disagree and remain in relationship so reconciliation isn’t even needed in the first place!

It seems as if these men found a win/win situation.

Paul “won” in the sense that he could complete his missionary journey in the way he wanted. God used him tremendously, including giving him a vision along the way to go to a whole new region (Macedonia) where he was a part of starting several new churches.

Barnabas “won” too. He saw the potential in his cousin, and that proved true in the long run. Mark was useful in the journey that he and Barnabas made, and we see that he proved useful to Paul at the end of Paul’s life, too.

So here’s my hope for getting a “win” today…

May our relationships with each other prove more important than “winning” our point.

May we always obey God’s leading, and bless each other when we follow God to different areas.

May we not fear or love conflict too much, and may God help us always be open to re-joining those who end up on the opposite side of the fence!

[Prayer of blessing for YM]